beats

busy managing beats in time, in rhythm, in the city, in the person, in the wood, in the street. Busy finding out if the will is overborne. busy, yet idle. brain full of nonsense which needs to be swept away. needing a little ommm time.

Generational Wealth or Knocked up

Many corporations focus on low cost endeavors that allow for short term gains to please shareholders and raise stock prices. Plans that involve high cost but long term gradual gain are often put to the side even though the gains might be far more over time.

That said, I wonder sometimes if people don't do the same things with their own relationships. With the marriage rate decreasing and the divorce rate increasing it appears that most people like to bank on short term gains than try to keep the long term going.

Last Wednesday, two day before I got married, a friend of mine advised me that I should not get married at all. He said that one should get married for two reasons only: 1) Generational Wealth; 2) Because the woman is knocked up. If that was the only reason people got married then the divorce rate would be far higher.

Maybe because I am a newlywed I am saying this, but I really think the long term benefits of marriage are great. Being alone sucks; and if you can find someone willing to put up with your crazy, then that should be reason enough to marry them. Just saying ...

Orange Laundry Rooms

When I was growing up we had a laundry room off of the garage which was painted orange inside. Not a soft orange, but a bright orange that was shocking to look at.

The laundry always was a place of discovery. One time my brother and I went and found a cat in the laundry room. We named in Cherry and kept it. Another time my brother and I found a snake in the laundry room. My mom had to call my aunt Tink to come and get it.

I had all but forgotten the laundry room adventures until I heard the Avett Brothers' song Laundry Room. All of the sudden the color, the childhood joy, the smell of the room, and the mystery of it came all back to me and shook me with its force.

I am scared I am forgetting my childhood at 26. The child in me is the part that I like most, and I am afraid that when it is gone the stark, serious adult in its place will bare little resemblance to the little girl who thought everything was an adventure.

Tubes and Things

I am 26 years old, and am already contemplating how to get out of the rat race. After spending a weekend on a lake in Indiana with M and some friends, tubing, boating, swimming and enjoying the country life, I am wondering if I am doing things all wrong. I have only this one life, and I am spending it stressing out and trying to accomplish unseen goals. Not only do I try to accomplish too much in too little time, but I neglect my family and loved ones while trying to push past the person next to me in a race leading nowhere.

As someone who is 26 and has already had ulcers and the shingles due to stress, I am beginning to understand how a slower pace of life might not be such a bad thing. In fact, I think I might not be able to really survive a fast pace.

In the end, will it matter if I have the best job, as long as I have a job? Will it matter if I have the biggest home on the best piece of real estate, as long as I have a home? Will it matter if I have the brightest kids going to the best schools, as long as they are healthy and have strong moral compasses?

It is amazing how little I am beginning to want all the materialistic things I used to dream about. Increasingly, I am wishing for a more simple and peaceful life.

Rant

Ok... So I need to seriously rant. If I hear one more person talk about their high paying firm job, and how much they are enjoying their summer, I am going to hit someone. Not a gentle slap, but a punch right in the jaw.

I am working 2 jobs and doing journal work. Meanwhile, I am trying to get my fiance to help me with wedding stuff, when all he wants to do is sleep on the couch, watch TV or go out and drink. I am up to my ears in work. I am trying to remain cordial to everyone around me, but there is only so much I can stomach.

I spend a good amount of my day listening to others complain about things. Whether it is my co-workers or friends, there is only so much of everyone else's problems that I really want to hear, especially since I do not burden anyone with my own (except said blog).I want to tell my co-workers to bugger off and stop complaining to me everyday about the coffee. It really is not that important, and if you don't like it then bring your own. As for friends, I wonder sometimes whether any of them are worth it. I act as a shrink to most of them, yet I hardly ever get sincerely asked how I am doing. Furthermore, while I find myself giving so much to those around me, I hardly ever get much reciprocation.

To say the very least I am fed up.

Living in a kind of daydream

I am burying myself in fiction novels. I read all night, getting little sleep. I sit with M while he is watching TV, and stare at my kindle as if it contains life's secrets.

I know my own life is passing my by as I read about other people's lives; however, I sometimes find my own life rather mundane. While I go out and drink and dance with friends on the weekends, I am low on adventures lately, and it is no one's fault but my own. I picked my profession, and continue to follow it. If I am bored, then it is because I am being boring.

I want change, excitement, movement, noise, anonymity, and vitality. Currently, I sit in an office 8-5, reading documents and inputting information. I need to vamp things up, otherwise, I will be stuck living out my dreams through characters in books.

Puddy Cat

Laying on the desk, her life seems perfect. She sleeps all day, wakes up to eat, and occassionally comes over to me for some love and attention. When I pet her too much or too little I get bit. If I am late coming home, she seeks revenge by somehow messing up the house. Her name Puddy Cat. Her Profession, being completely cute yet untouchable.

My M says that the cat is like me, and our dog is like him. Our dog Griffin, is sweet, goofy, and good natured. While Ms. Puddy is anything but. I wonder what he is trying to tell me.