Breakables

I break things. I break things regularly, and with an absolute sense of completion. Whether it is due to me being clutsy, or whether I just have a natural ability to immobilize and destroy I do not know, nor do I really want to.

My ability to break things has been a constant in my life. When I was a child, my mother never let me go into stores where there was glass on display. It was as if my presence inside the shoppe itself would send all glass splintering in opposite directions. When I was older this trend continued, however, it began to permeate into my relationships with people. It turns out that I am just as good at breaking people and consequently friendships, as I am at ruining stemware.

I have broken friendships and personal relationships with such veracity that one of my exs mentioned to me that he was going to start a support group. I responded to him that if he needed it, there was some crazy glue in the top kitchen draw, and that I expected him to get himself together and leave. (I cannot always be nice. Especially not with exs.)

One hitch I eventually discovered, was that I am incapable of breaking things of quality. I have yet to break a dyson, a viking stove, a subzero fridge, quality crystal, or anything made of solid wood. On the flop side, I have broken fridges, vacuums, stemware, and several beds, desks, and tables (not made of solid wood).

This quality mantra likewise, extends to friends and boyfriends. While I have gained and lost many friends, the ones of quality always seem to stick around, and for that I am eternally grateful. I find that you often get what you invest, and things of quality might cost more, but they are always worth it. There is no one better than a quality friend whom you can rely on.

Additionally, I have yet to break my M. In fact, I find that he has had the uncanny ability to curb even my most destructive side. He is such a big guy that he just hugs me to him until I am done fighting. That is nothing short of genius. From the begining he has subscribed to the idea that engaging me was not worth it, and that he would just wait until I cooled off. This is probably why I am marrying him. Oh, and the fact that he always replaces the stuff I cannot help but break. In fact, he is buying me a dyson to replace the regular vacuum I recently broke. Someone should cannonize the atheist.

Anonymous Ex Pat

Recently I have been wanting to run away. A highly mature emotion, I know, and one which speaks of an inability to handle problems; nevertheless, I am a hairsbreadth away from doing it. The more I think about it, the more I want to just hop on a plane and not tell anyone where I am going.

I thought Mexico would excise this bug that has crawled under my skin, unfortunately, it has not. I still have this awful itch to run. The only thing stopping me right now is M. I would hate to leave him behind. No one makes me laugh like he does, and I find that he is often the needle in my compass directing me home. If not for him, I would undoubtedly leave. As no job has yet found me, and my summer is virtually open, there is no better time for me to jump ship! A waitress job in Barbados sounds a lot more fun than one in Chicago, doesn't it?

Mexico Moments

There is a saying that you really never know a person until you travel with them. While, that is certainly true, I cannot help but point out that most people don´t change that much no matter where they are. While I am enjoying myself in the sun, sand and tequila, I cannot help but feel like I left the most important person at home. I miss my M. My friends are great, but no one can even compete.

On a lighter note, Playa del Carmen is hands-down the most beautiful part of Mexico I have been to. It is simply beautiful, and I can imagine myself planning many trips here in the future. The people are nice, and even though it is touristy, it still has a true Mexico feel. The condo we rented looks out over the ocean, and I have made a habit of sitting in the hammock every morning enjoying the view. Life is undoubtably good.

why am i here

In the past couple of months I have forgotten why I am at law school. I forgot that I came here to learn a skill set. I forgot that I came here with goals. I have been so "poor me" about not getting a job, I have forgotten that it is not about getting the job this summer, but getting jobs in the long run by knowing information that is useful enough that others want to pay me.

I need to get to work. I need to figure out what I can do that would be the most beneficial for me this summer and make me grow the most. I must reevaluate some things.

Crushed

Maybe I am being irrational, but I am absolutely crushed that two of my closest friends cannot come to my wedding. If this was any other event it wouldn't matter, but I am just crushed. I wonder if I chose to do it in Chicago or California if it would have made a difference. While I want to be understanding, and I am to a point (especially since one is pregnant) I cannot help but be irrevocably upset about the situation.

It is strange how the leaves fall and the wheels spin sometimes.