Breakables

I break things. I break things regularly, and with an absolute sense of completion. Whether it is due to me being clutsy, or whether I just have a natural ability to immobilize and destroy I do not know, nor do I really want to.

My ability to break things has been a constant in my life. When I was a child, my mother never let me go into stores where there was glass on display. It was as if my presence inside the shoppe itself would send all glass splintering in opposite directions. When I was older this trend continued, however, it began to permeate into my relationships with people. It turns out that I am just as good at breaking people and consequently friendships, as I am at ruining stemware.

I have broken friendships and personal relationships with such veracity that one of my exs mentioned to me that he was going to start a support group. I responded to him that if he needed it, there was some crazy glue in the top kitchen draw, and that I expected him to get himself together and leave. (I cannot always be nice. Especially not with exs.)

One hitch I eventually discovered, was that I am incapable of breaking things of quality. I have yet to break a dyson, a viking stove, a subzero fridge, quality crystal, or anything made of solid wood. On the flop side, I have broken fridges, vacuums, stemware, and several beds, desks, and tables (not made of solid wood).

This quality mantra likewise, extends to friends and boyfriends. While I have gained and lost many friends, the ones of quality always seem to stick around, and for that I am eternally grateful. I find that you often get what you invest, and things of quality might cost more, but they are always worth it. There is no one better than a quality friend whom you can rely on.

Additionally, I have yet to break my M. In fact, I find that he has had the uncanny ability to curb even my most destructive side. He is such a big guy that he just hugs me to him until I am done fighting. That is nothing short of genius. From the begining he has subscribed to the idea that engaging me was not worth it, and that he would just wait until I cooled off. This is probably why I am marrying him. Oh, and the fact that he always replaces the stuff I cannot help but break. In fact, he is buying me a dyson to replace the regular vacuum I recently broke. Someone should cannonize the atheist.